Movie Re-Views with Ajax Green

There are movies, and then there is "Crank 2," a film that stands alone on the mountaintop of grindhouse sleaze. Jason "Crank 2" Statham stars as Chev Chelios, a tough guy whose heart is stolen ...

This movie opens with a space center control room where scientists are using an elaborate satellite to look at butts on a beach. “Zoom and enhance!” someone shouts, and as the butt gets closer and ...

I first saw this movie as a child and it blew my mind. I’m happy to say it’s still a perfect movie — it’s a charming non-stop thrill ride buoyed by the absolutely incredible music ...

Up at the North Pole, a scientist in pajama pants wants to study the man from Mars (who is frozen in ice) but the stone-faced Captain thinks it's too dangerous. Guess who is right? Sure, ...

Has Frankie Avalon ever been in a good movie? Granted he's a better actor than Keanu Reeves, but all the Frankie Avalon movies I've seen range from "dippy" to "raspberry sound." "The Million Eyes of ...

Steven "The Whispering Ponytail" Seagal stars as an Environmental Protection Agency officer who is also exceptionally well trained in firearms and kung fu (I never knew such training is required for collecting water samples and ...

James Caan has never been better as the titular burglar in director Michael Mann’s crime-world masterpiece. Buoyed by the uncanny synth-rock of Tangerine Dream and great photography of gritty Chicago, “Thief” is still the template ...

“Look at these small town nerds!” this movie screams vindictively, “they’re just like the nerds you knew in school! Aren’t they hilarious?” Um, no. Granted, the mannerisms are perfect, but little else is: These characters ...

On paper, this is the best movie of all time: a rock band (“Slade Craven”) stages their last concert on a 747 in flight, but the singer is kidnapped and replaced with a satanic imposter, ...

James "Thief" Caan is the star of this Sam "The Wild Bunch" Peckinpah movie, and while it is not as bad as Bloody Sam's "Convoy," it's still a very bad movie. However due to the ...

A photographer goes to the beach to take pictures of sea glass with a fancy camera when a sexy lady approaches him and asks to be photographed. Soon her shirt goes missing and the photographer ...

This movie starts with pee-drinking. Scene 1: hero drinks his own pee! Granted it is filtered through a makeshift pee filtering device, but still! Gross, right? Kevin Costner is terrible as a hero in any ...

Have you heard of this guy John Carpenter? He is really good at movies. This tale is silly and ultimately unsatisfying (there's just not enough hook impalings!) but it also works well because of fun ...

I've reviewed this before but I'm reviewing it again because it's so great. "52 Pick-Up" is a pillar of sleaze, a paragon of crime, and chock full of banana hammock style. Based on an Elmore ...

Mae West is still pretty funny 87 years later. Almost all of her jokes are of the “hey, let’s have sex!” variety (“it’s not the men in your life, it’s the life in your men!” ...

A stylish apartment building is overrun by a parasitic sex leech.This is David “What Can I Put My Penis In?” Cronenberg’s first movie and I love it: A creepy doctor creates a sexually transmitted parasite ...

Jonathan "Silence of the Lambs" Demme directed this ultra-low-budget road romp starring Cloris "I won an Academy Award and four years later I'm in this weird movie?" Leachman, Donny "Ralph Malph" Most, and Ann "My ...

"Alien" meets "Hellraiser" starring Sam "Possession" Neill? Yes please! Larry "You Probably Know Him As Laurence" Fishburne plays Captain Kirk and everybody has to strip to their underpants for cryogenia. Sam Neill plays Paul Reiser, ...

This movie takes place in January of the year 2021, and it’s disturbing how much this movie got right: an economy controlled by mega-corporations, giant homeless encampments, and a global pandemic — this sci-fi movie ...

After the white-hot airboat driving and suburbia-destroying intensity of "Invasion U.S.A." I just had to see what else could possibly come from the addled mind of director Joseph Zito. Unfortunately, the answer is "not much." ...