Crank 2: High Voltage (2009)

A cockney superman is robbed of his still-beating heart.

There are movies, and then there is “Crank 2,” a film that stands alone on the mountaintop of grindhouse sleaze. Jason “Crank 2” Statham stars as Chev Chelios, a tough guy whose heart is stolen and replaced with a machine that needs to be recharged constantly (with jumper cables, power station relays, public copulation) as he tumbles through Los Angeles searching for his lost heart.

Dwight “Guitars, Cadillacs” Yoakam plays Chev’s disgraced doctor (looking like a frazzled Clint Howard!), and David “Kung Fu” Carradine (in his last role) plays the evil Asian overlord with long Fu-Manchu facial hair (as if Kung Fu’s Kwai Chang Caine turned to the dark side at some point after the TV show was cancelled).

“Crank 2” closes the door that Peckinpah’s “The Wild Bunch” (1969) opened, to the room where bloodshed, boobs, and chaos are served up in brain-breaking proportions.

This is the movie that do-gooders like Tipper Gore warned us against; it’s a festering pustule of sickness that explodes all over you, and yet washes you clean at the same time (like drinking paint thinner?).

The deliriously offensive action is non-stop, a kaleidoscope of punishing violence and low-brow humor. “Crank 2” is a pinnacle marking the high point of human depravity, with 1,000,000 ideas (both good and bad) thrown at the screen like a howler monkey hurling his own faeces (with a great soundtrack by famed faeces-thrower Mike Patton).

“Crank 2” is probably the greatest action movie of all time.

Check it out if you are into nipple-slicing, penis x-rays, or REO Speedwagon.

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Ajax Green

Ajax Green

Ajax Green lives in Oakland, California, and watches a lot of movies.

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