Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

jonny


A human hard drive is going to self-destruct unless the singer from Black Flag can remember where he left his photobooth photos.

This movie takes place in January of the year 2021, and it’s disturbing how much this movie got right: an economy controlled by mega-corporations, giant homeless encampments, and a global pandemic — this sci-fi movie is a little TOO REAL!

Also, this movie is great, non-stop fun — it’s probably the best ‘90s internet movie (and with competition like “Hackers,” “Swordfish,” and “Virtual Assassin,” that’s saying a lot!).

It’s got LASER WHIPS, a sadistic Jesus, Udo Kier (the world’s most beautiful sleaze), and just when you think this movie can’t get better, the leader of the Burning Man/rave underground is ICE-T! And then it just gets even better, culminating in a CYBORG DOLPHIN swimming through THE INTERNET!

The only flaw in this movie is casting Keanu (why would you hire someone who can’t read to be the star of your movie? No offense to my illiterate readers but if I made a movie I’d make sure all my actors understand how words work), and also his dramatic speech at the fulcrum of the movie, where he screams about his pain, displaying his profoundly shallow hopes and dreams:

“I want room service!” he screams to his love interest (Dina “Starship Troopers” Meyer), “I want $10,000 hookers!”

So sorry your life didn’t work out the way you wanted it to, Johnny!

Check it out if you are into ambitious CGI, typing and swiping with robot gloves, or dolphins swimming though the Internet.

Ajax Green

Ajax Green

Ajax Green lives in Oakland, California, and watches a lot of movies.

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