Somewhere between film school and MST3K is a special place where the best and the worst movies are viewed with unabashed glee and gusto.
A cockney superman is robbed of his still-beating heart. There are movies, and then there is “Crank 2,” a film that stands alone on the mountaintop of grindhouse sleaze. Jason “Crank 2” Statham stars as Chev Chelios, a tough guy whose heart is stolen and replaced with a machine that needs to be recharged constantly […]> Read More
A deadly chef is the only man who can stop mercenaries on a train. This movie opens with a space center control room where scientists are using an elaborate satellite to look at butts on a beach. “Zoom and enhance!” someone shouts, and as the butt gets closer and less pixelated, I couldn’t help wonder […]> Read More
A treasure hunter is hired by the U.S. government to thwart Adolf Hitler’s occultism. I first saw this movie as a child and it blew my mind. I’m happy to say it’s still a perfect movie — it’s a charming non-stop thrill ride buoyed by the absolutely incredible music of John Williams. Perhaps “Raiders” is […]> Read More
Scientists fight soliders for their right to party (with an alien). Up at the North Pole, a scientist in pajama pants wants to study the man from Mars (who is frozen in ice) but the stone-faced Captain thinks it’s too dangerous. Guess who is right? Sure, this movie is anti-science but who cares (what has […]> Read More
An army of babes tries to murder all the dudes in the world. Has Frankie Avalon ever been in a good movie? Granted he’s a better actor than Keanu Reeves, but all the Frankie Avalon movies I’ve seen range from “dippy” to “raspberry sound.” “The Million Eyes of Sumuru” has everything going for it: a […]> Read More
An EPA agent infiltrates Appalachia with a closet full of leather blazers. Steven “The Whispering Ponytail” Seagal stars as an Environmental Protection Agency officer who is also exceptionally well trained in firearms and kung fu (I never knew such training is required for collecting water samples and pollution statistics, but I’m definitely sleeping better knowing […]> Read More