Somewhere between film school and MST3K is a special place where the best and the worst movies are viewed with unabashed glee and gusto.
A hard-nosed safecracker creates a vision board. James Caan has never been better as the titular burglar in director Michael Mann’s crime-world masterpiece. Buoyed by the uncanny synth-rock of Tangerine Dream and great photography of gritty Chicago, “Thief” is still the template for what all crime movies could be, but aren’t (read: totally awesome). Caan […]> Read More
An awkward teen learns how to dance. “Look at these small town nerds!” this movie screams vindictively, “they’re just like the nerds you knew in school! Aren’t they hilarious?” Um, no. Granted, the mannerisms are perfect, but little else is: These characters aren’t even as well drawn as Beavis & Butthead. Napoleon and Pedro don’t […]> Read More
Marilyn Manson fights satanists at 10,000 ft. On paper, this is the best movie of all time: a rock band (“Slade Craven”) stages their last concert on a 747 in flight, but the singer is kidnapped and replaced with a satanic imposter, who is going to crash the plane into a church to open a […]> Read More
A San Francisco mercenary spends a lot of time doing physical therapy. James “Thief” Caan is the star of this Sam “The Wild Bunch” Peckinpah movie, and while it is not as bad as Bloody Sam’s “Convoy,” it’s still a very bad movie. However due to the high star wattage of JC and Robert “with […]> Read More
A small town finds a novel source of employees for low-wage jobs: the undead. A photographer goes to the beach to take pictures of sea glass with a fancy camera when a sexy lady approaches him and asks to be photographed. Soon her shirt goes missing and the photographer is just about to have the […]> Read More
After the polar ice caps melt, life becomes aquatic. This movie starts with pee-drinking. Scene 1: hero drinks his own pee! Granted it is filtered through a makeshift pee filtering device, but still! Gross, right? Kevin Costner is terrible as a hero in any movie — if anything he should be cast as “bank clerk […]> Read More