The Million Eyes of Sumuru (1967)

An army of babes tries to murder all the dudes in the world.

Has Frankie Avalon ever been in a good movie? Granted he’s a better actor than Keanu Reeves, but all the Frankie Avalon movies I’ve seen range from “dippy” to “raspberry sound.”

“The Million Eyes of Sumuru” has everything going for it: a great plot (all I want to watch is babes killing dudes — see the great “Deadlier Than the Male” (1967)), terrific 1960’s locations and costumes, and even a fun role for a young Klaus Kinski(!), but the movie is more confusing than the “defrost” cycle of my microwave manual (and just as fascinating).

A CIA guy (a very leathery George Nader) is friends with a playboy (Frankie “Beach Party” Avalon, also very brown), and they get framed for murder in Rome so that Madame Sumuru in Hong Kong can use them to infiltrate the kingdom of “Sinonesia” and murder their king (Kinski, dubbed, in yellowface?).

This was obviously made to be tongue in cheek James Bond homage, but I wonder whose cheek the tongue is in? Or maybe they forgot their tongue at baggage claim.

Check it out if you are into crop tops, making out with the enemy, or getting killed for falling in love.

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Ajax Green

Ajax Green

Ajax Green lives in Oakland, California, and watches a lot of movies.

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