waterworld

Waterworld (1995)

After the polar ice caps melt, life becomes aquatic.

This movie starts with pee-drinking. Scene 1: hero drinks his own pee! Granted it is filtered through a makeshift pee filtering device, but still! Gross, right?

Kevin Costner is terrible as a hero in any movie — if anything he should be cast as “bank clerk #1” or “grocer” — his dialog reading is not quite Keanu-level bad but it’s pretty close!

But KC’s got a great boat and he knows how to use it: swinging from one end of his trimaran to the other and aggressively operating winches. If there was an Oscar for winch-operating, this movie would have won it.

I don’t like Kevin Costner but I love “Waterworld” because it asks the question: “What if the ‘The Road Warrior’ was on a boat and had zero charisma?”

Dennis “Out of the Blue” Hopper plays “the bad guy” and he’s full of fun lines like “he’s like a turd that won’t flush!” (an odd choice of words as no one in this movie has seen a toilet for hundreds of years).

Also fortunate is that despite a lifetime of bad nutrition (see: pee-drinking), Jeanne “Basic Instinct” Tripplehorn isn’t missing any teeth and looks fantastic in her tiny seaweed clothes.

Check it out if you are into submersible jet-skis, lonely desperadoes who still manage to respect women, or playing tetherball with an airplane.

If you like what we're doing, please support us on Patreon
Ajax Green

Ajax Green

Ajax Green lives in Oakland, California, and watches a lot of movies.

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: